Written by Best-Selling Author, Marci Shimoff

At last, we’re in the final countdown of the holidays! I’ve been waiting excitedly to share with you one of my favorite holiday stories (at the end of this article) and my favorite advice for fully enjoying the holiday spirit.

If you think about it, all the gifts, parties, and holiday fuss boil down to one thing — love. Love is the #1 ingredient we need to experience holiday cheer and the absence of it is what brings holiday woe.

So how can you experience more love this season?

Practice being a good receiver!

What you say? Isn’t this season about giving? Yes, giving is a wonderful thing that helps us feel good, but if we can’t fully receive people’s gifts and kindness, open up to support, and let love in then we can’t actually FEEL the love.

Unfortunately, many people have a hard time receiving. Here are three ways you can strengthen your receiving muscle this holiday:

1. Pay attention to the gifts all around you each day — not just the BIG gifts, but the small ones, as well. Notice the kindness of the salesclerk, the smile on your neighbor’s face, the beauty of the winter landscape. Be on the look-out for the many gifts of the day.

2. Look for the blessings — even in the hard stuff, which often shows up during this season. Just as an experiment, assume that everything that happens is a gift for you. The universe is on your side. How would you look at and experience your challenges differently, if you imagined it was all for your good? Give it a try.

3. Savor the good. My neuropsychologist friend Rick Hanson says that it takes about 20 seconds to deeply register the good. So, acknowledge a compliment rather than dismiss it, express appreciation for the gifts you receive. Deeply take things in and bathe in them.

I’d love to hear what tips you use to open up and receive. Please share them with me at http://www.facebook.com/MarciShimoffFan

My Passage: How I Found the ME in Menopause.

Midlife is a journey, or as best-selling author, Gail Sheehy, might say, a passage or transition. Only there are distinct differences from that original publication back in 1976 when Ms. Sheehy was in her late 30’s, and first wrote about the midlife “crisis” as passage point.

Ms. Sheehy is the first to admit that the first book fell short on what would become the real midlife, as she had no idea of what 50 might look like herself in 1976, other than distinctly “old” images of her mother and father. Sound familiar? (Since then Ms. Sheehy has written New Passages and Passages for Caregivers, inspiring many women like me to also share my “passage”.)

Things are different today, in 2012, as we now know that menopause is a time of estrogen-deficiency, and not a crisis at all, but a virtual gateway to the next 30-40 more years of life.    It’s a time of awakening, of realizing our potential, and potentially a very free-ing time in our lives.

That’s how I’ve chosen to see this time in my life and I’d like to be one of the increasing numbers of “old” women, who might see 92 from the third seat in a scull, and rowing in a Master’s rowing event instead of succumbing to osteoporosis, one of my biggest risk factors.

So, with my vision for how I wanted to be at 92,  I became more interested in creating a foundation for wellbeing, a pathway that would give me the tools for a positive mindset, a flexible and strong body, and the energy to be creative – all factors in assuring longevity. Research shows us that doing all we can do in our 50’s is critical to setting a foundation for living well through out our life – emotionally, physically and spiritually.

How I Have Reinvented Menopause (so far)

As I near menopause, I decided to take new steps – steps that I had previously not really considered important in my life.

Now that I understand more about the physiological changes associated with estrogen loss, I decide to be more proactive in preserving my quality of life, and perhaps even gain strength, muscle mass and, the holy grail, fulfillment and happiness.

One thing was motivating me for sure – I did not want to succumb to the conflicting and disingenuous advertising messages we’re bombarded with as we women age!

First, I started to exercise for wellbeing.   I made a decision to join a women’s rowing, or crew team and enjoy the company of like-minded women.   It was not a decision that was easy to make, as I’m not an early morning person, but, as I’ve come to appreciate, there’s nothing like rowing on calm waters – and, there’s no better way to start a hectic day than rowing at 7 am.  The really great thing about rowing is that you have to learn to “recover” from each stroke, giving you the cardiovascular strength you need to row for at least 30 minutes and possibly, achieve your target heart rate for at least 20 minutes.  Cardiovascular strength training such as rowing or bike riding, is good for your heart, and makes you feel better, giving you a sense of wellbeing.  While you will probably loose weight, the sense of wellbeing will be motivation enough to continue your commitment to yourself.  You might even be able to rid yourself of an anti-depressant prescription!

Second, I took a proactive mindset instead of a reactive mindset around nutrition.  One of the changes I made to my diet, as a result, was taking dietary supplements.  New research showed that taking a multi-vitamin may not help us women live longer.   However, there are several key dietary supplements that are recommended for menopausal women such as fish oil supplements ( Omega-3 fatty acids), Vitamin D and Calcium.   Have you considered taking any of these supplements that are proven to help menopausal women?

Third, I created my first ME-Pause.  This new concept was packaged in a not so neat bow, with no clear answer, no clinical trails, and, ironically, no obvious relationship to my health.  My Me-Pause was a defining moment as I declared the death of my life as a run-on sentence. Taking time to pause, reflect, think and plan have become more important to me.  Putting a comma in a sentence is a good thing. And, when you do this, menopause is much more fun, and wiser.

My ME-Pause turned out to be a cultural expedition to a little known ancient civilization, the last Shangri-La and a Buddhist haven nestled in the Himalayan Mountains – Bhutan.   A remote civilization with few roads and hundreds of temples, Bhutan measures its progress by Gross National Happiness – as opposed to GNP.   As Buddhists, the Bhutanese believe happiness arises from causing happiness in others. It’s more than a fleeting feeling of joy, but a belief in the power of positive thoughts, simple acts of kindness and love that transform people, communities and our relationship to the world.

The overarching result of my two-week trip to Bhutan with my aunt remains significant in my life today.  I’m looking at menopause as a glass half full, a time in my life that is just the beginning to finding and designing the second half of my life with renewed passions and interests.  I’m seeing, for the first time, that I can create my own wellspring for living better .. and into old age..and just maybe, I’ll have that third seat in the scull with three other women rowing the calm waters of the early morning.

Are You Interested in Designing the Second Half of Your Life?  Join Real Women on Health this Wednesday, January 18^th at 12:30 pm with Jill Shaw Ruddock, Best-Selling Author, “The Second Half of Your Life’.  Here’s your invitation to join us, Real Women on Health, for this on-line roundtable:  http://eepurl.com/isFd6

Kelley Connors, MPH, is a women’s wellness coach, marketer and advocate for women’s health.  She is the founder of Real Women on Health and President and Chief Creative Officer for KC Health.

Five million sufferers will triple by mid-century. While Alzheimer’s does not discriminate by gender, more women have it over 70 than men because women are living longer.

Guess who the caregivers are?  Primarily women…working women.  No one is complaining (yeah right.) but it’s a 24/7 job and most caregivers report high levels of stress…and it’s complement, depression.  The toll on lost income is escalating as the diagnose is increasing and there’s a window of time where care can be given at home.  This window is made possible by new research on medications that prolong quality of life for the patient.

What about the caregiver?

Lori LaBey wants to change the caregiver experience, and is driving change with her blog and consulting business.  Lori is driven to share her powerful stories after watching family and friends struggle to visit and interact with her mother diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Through her storytelling, you will be given practical tips and techniques to: reduce combative behaviors, make remarkable moments, and diminish turbulence in your life caused from the disease. You never know, you could be next to forget, or be forgotten. Wouldn’t it be nice to know people understood the disease and were not afraid.

Tune in here on Wednesday, January 26th @12:30 pm EST to talk with Kelley Connors and Lori LaBey on “Caregiving: From Crisis to Comfort”. ]]> http://www.realwomenonhealth.com/2011/01/25/500000-americans-under-65-have-alzheimers/feed/ 0 http://www.realwomenonhealth.com/2011/01/24/caregivers-from-crisis-to-comfort/ http://www.realwomenonhealth.com/2011/01/24/caregivers-from-crisis-to-comfort/#comments Mon, 24 Jan 2011 14:17:07 +0000 Kelley Connors http://realwomenonhealth.com/?p=1661 The nation is now a caregiver, assisted by the compassionate, and highly knowledgeable medical team at the Houston-based Texas Medical Center, providing the kind of specialized acute care and rehabilitative care that a traumatic brain injury demands.

I’ve been rivotted by the media attention on Gabby, and I follow her medical progress like I was a member of her family or medical team.  I take great comfort in knowing that she has such a dedicated care team – her husband, mother and health care professionals – who are willing to share her progress with us, and the world.

Having said that, I’m interested in speaking with another unsung hero in caregiving, Lori LaBey, author of Alzheimer’s Speaks.  My sense is that it’s a quite different journey for those caregivers of Alzheimer’s disease -  a 24/7 journey filled with stress like no other.

We can pretty much say that while the cognitive function is impaired, and the physical body is limited in basic function, caregivers for traumatic brain injuried loved ones may not experience the stigma and sense of loss associated with Alzheimers – an under-funded condition of aging, predicted to triple from 5 million today to affect 15 million Americans over 65 by mid-century.

As I watched my favorite TV program, Sunday Morning, news journalist Barry Pedersen talked about his wife, Jan Chorlton Petersen.  At 56,  she is barely the person that Barry knew six years ago when she was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers.

“It’s really challenging to grieve someone that you’ve just helped take a bath and get them dressed, ” says Barry in his recent interview with Sunday Morning.

Join me on Wednesday, January 26th @12:30 pm EST with Lori LaBey,  caregiving expert, trainer, and author of Alzheimer’s Speaks.  The award-winning blog helps caregivers can find the inspirational resources, practical daily tips and an awareness of the everyday triumphs that will help you transform your care giving from an experience of crisis to one of comfort.

What are you going to do differently this year to make 2011 your “best yet”?

Making a new year better than the last requires a different action everyday that becomes a new habit and a new way of thinking.  It’s no easy feat and we end up getting discouraged because it takes consistent not sporadic daily action for at least 30 days to make a new choice “stick”.

Don’t get me wrong.  Exercise, and more of it, is essential to staying fit and healthy.  There’s no new science refuting the necessity for daily exercise for at least 20 minutes and more.  (more on choosing your new exercise regime this week!)

However,  did you know it’s essential to know what you want your result to be?  OK. Simply put, think of a word that represents how you’re going to be in 2011.  My word is abundant.   I’m inspired by abundance because,  instead of scarcity, I’m going to focus only three things that I’m inspired to do.   My priorities are 1) staying fit by rowing 3X a week and doing yoga 2X a week 2) training in March and April for a 63 mile bike ride to benefit Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and 3) creating stronger relationships with important people in my life.

That’s abundance for me.

By choosing a word, as opposed to a “new years resolution”,  or a “must do”, we can all create a bigger context for new possibilities that inspire change. From inspiration, you can outline the steps towards making it a real part of your life.

Choose your “how” with purpose and commitment on our on-line radio show this Wednesday, January 6th at 12:30 EST with Barbara Hannah Grufferman, author of “The Best of Everything After 50″.

What’s Your Word?

We often think of taking care of our aging moms, as they outlive dad by seven or more years. However, many women who today outlive their husbands are looking to their girlfriends, and other social supports that they’ve nurtured throughout their lifetime to sustain a sense of community and connectedness.   In fact, with friends aplenty, widows chose singlehood even while they grieve for their spouses, and experience loss – many for the rest of their lives.

In a strange twist of fortune — some might call it poetic justice — age can bring with it something of a reversal in gender roles. The rise of an old girls’ network, friends and family who see women through a lifetime of transitions, often contrasts sharply with the decline of the old boys’ network, the professional associations that secure young men’s places in the world but offer little support or solace in later life.

I talked with best selling author, Janis Spring, PHD, who is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness, to talk about her just-released book called Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent (Avery Penguin).

Released on April 30, 2009, her true story and lessons learned takes place in an independent living facility in West Hartford, CT.

This book reflects Janis’ story as told through her professional eyes as both a clinical psychologist and her personal experience as a daugher of an aging dad.

If you’re a daughter or daughter-in-law,  this podcast with Janis will ring true to you as a caregiver.  As a recent Washington Post article explained, for years, economists warned that women entering the work force would become unavailable as unpaid caregivers for the elderly. Plausible — but untrue. Family caregiving continues at high levels, though more than half of adult children who help elderly parents also work full time, and 10 percent part time. That can exact a steep toll. And more than 70% of caregivers are women, including daughters.

Please go to our on-line radio show home page and listen to one my favorite “coffee table” talks.  Find out what makes this book a breakthrough in caregiving, and discover one woman’s story that may help you make sense of your own.

Go to our radio show page  or listen right on this page to our conversation.